As you may have noticed, it's difficult for me to blog about many of my experiences here. The thing that has come most naturally for me is to write articles about isolated experiences which give you guys a bit of idea of the situations that I am dealing with. Even still it's most definitely inadequate.
The following "poem" is something I wrote a while back after helping a refugee family move their belongings out of their apartment and into our project's "refugee safe house" after they had several frightening experiences which caused lots of anxiety and fear. Here in Quito as he was waiting in line to receive humanitarian aid, the husband of the family spotted the same person from the Aguilas Negras (paramilitary group) who had threatened to kill him in Colombia. Additionally, the mother of the husband, who is still currently living in Colombia, called the family in Ecuador saying that 2 anonymous men had knocked on her door and had asked, using the husbands full name, when he would be coming back from Quito (when the family left Colombia suddenly a few months ago, they only told 2 trustworthy family members that they were going to Quito). Apart from this, they found out that in the neighborhood where they were living among other Colombians, there were several former members of paramilitary groups (this is one of the reasons that many Colombians are afraid to interact with each other here...you never quite know who you are dealing with). It is also a difficulty for the government and for us as a aid project.
Anyhow, I dont know how much this piece will mean to you guys, but as I wrote this, each phrase came with a face, a name and a story. Everything I have written is based on my observations, experiences and accompaniment to the displaced/refugee population here in Ecuador, but this poem is certainly not nor intends to be an exhaustive list of what is means to be a Colombian refugee in Ecuador. As I wrote and reflected on people's experiences, I realized how the act of being displaced affects absolutely every aspect of one's life...I think that is what this poem reflects.
Displacement is More Than a Word
Displacement is more than a word.
it's a pickup truck full of belongings,
it's sleepless nights,
it's not leaving your house because of fear,
it's separation from family members,
it's tears shed and having no one to dry them,
it's being along,
it's a loss of one's identity,
it's not having food on your table,
it's desperation,
it's living in hiding,
it's dehumanizing,
it's begging for help,
it's uprooting roots,
it's instability,
it's changing jobs every month,
it's not trusting anyone, yet relying on strangers,
it's depression,
it's starting over and starting over again....and again,
it's searching for community,
it's hell,
it's always looking over your back,
it's the opposite of peace,
it's being afraid of even those you most love,
it's pain,
it's overwhelming,
it's feeling guilty about a situation you couldn't control,
it's the end to one life and the beginning of another,
it's feeling death on your doorstep,
it's lonely bus rides,
it's crossing foreign borders,
it's counting pennies,
it's long lines in immigration offices,
it's being "denied",
it's wondering what the meaning of "future" is,
it's doing anything to survive,
it's visits to the psychologist,
it's permanent,
it's a bad dream that you never wake up from,
it's learning to be uncomfortable,
it's sleeping on cold, hard floors,
it's working and not getting paid,
it's sharing space with others,
it's an invasion of your privacy,
it's losing loved ones,
it's haunting memories,
it's injustice,
it's being humiliated,
it's perseverance,
it's a complete lack of hope,
it's getting kicked out by your landlord,
it's losing everything,
it's saying good-bye,
it's changing your appearance,
it's paranoia,
it's feeling helpless,
Displacement is more than a word, it's a way of life for 5 million people in Colombia, hundreds of thousands seeking refuge in Ecuador and millions more around the world...
To contrast that poem a bit, here are a few beautiful photos that I took today from my window.
