Finding Balance in Life--catching you up on my last few months

Since I've last posted to my blog, too much has happened to put into words...this is probably because I've let 9 months slip by and 9 months of anyone's life is too much to put on paper in one blog entry.

To catch you up to speed, here's the most brief of summaries of some of what's happened during the last 9 months:

July 2012 to November 28, 2012 was spent working in Ecuador.  There was much to be done.  Many experiences with refugee families, meetings, emails, phone calls, writing reports, doing finances, home visits, workshops, discernment, stress, heavy situations.  We also planned and did a weekend retreat with the church youth group.  I also started taking Anabaptist theology classes at the Mennonite church with our pastors and I participated in a workshop with the United Nations about refugees.  

November 28, 2012 to January 4th, 2013 was spent in the U.S. giving presentations about my work in Ecuador in VA, IN, KS and spending precious, priceless time with many friends and family in VA, OH, IN, PA, NJ, D.C., KS.

January 4th, 2013 to January 19th, 2013 was spent traveling through Colombia with my good friend and excellent travel companion Benito Miller, where we were able to meet up with our good friend Jes Buller and many other great people.

January 19th-February 21st 2013 was spent getting caught up on refugee work that had piled up after being gone from Quito.  We also hosted a learning tour group from the US.

February 21st-March 4th 2013 I hosted for the third year in a row a work team from the US and Colombia.  We worked on the construction of an indigenous church in the south of Quito and visited the now completed church in Arajuno.

March 18th to 26th 2013 I traveled to Colombia with other folks from the Mennonite church in Quito and Riobamba to have Ecuador Partnership meetings and to be present at the Colombian Mennonite Churches National Assembly.  I spent a good portion of the time doing simultaneous translation which was a fun and challenging activity.


Recently, a couple topics have been churning in my head because of recent experiences.  One is self-care and learning how to stay healthy and sane in the face of so many heavy and difficult experiences.  Why is this an issue that's been difficult for me?  In counting up the numbers in the registries that I keep track of with the refugee project, I realized that during the past year I've held more than 400 interviews with refugee families and done 100 home visits.  I've heard too many terrible stories to count and seen way too many precarious living situations.  Last year as a project, we gave out between 40-50 food rations a month to 140 different families, arranged 55 appointments with a hired professional psychologist, helped 25 families start a small business, held 7 workshops with an average attendance of 50-60 refugees, maintained a refugee house where two families live along with an agricultural project, and helped more than 150 families with either rent costs, mattresses, blankets, medicine, stoves, gas tanks, shoes, clothes, school supplies and personal hygiene items.  We've also helped various refugees pay for major surgeries and health issues.  And there are many other things that can't be quantified.  It truly has been a busy and exhausting year.

At first I think I tried to suppress feelings of exhaustion and being overwhelmed, living by the common sports motto of "playing through the pain".  But similar to my experience on the soccer field where a muscle injury would continue to get worse and worse as I continued to play, I also continued to wear down and become more exhausted and overwhelmed in my work.  I've realized how important it is for me to understand my own needs and take time for myself.  This continues to be difficult but I'm working at it.  To give you a better idea of the kinds of situations that make it very easy to get absorbed in work with refugees, here's an anecdote:

A few months ago I was relaxing at home on my day off on Monday when my cell phone rang.  I answered the call and it was Carlos on the other line.  Carlos had been to our church various times and I had visited him and his family group of 11 people who lived packed into one small room.  Carlos had fled Buenaventura, Colombia a few months earlier after his work partner was killed and he was threatened by paramilitaries.  Leaving in such a hurry from Colombia and with only enough money for his bus fare, Carlos had left his wife behind with some family members.  In talking with him at church, he had expressed to me his worries about his wife still being in Colombia and possibly becoming a target of paramilitaries that continued to try to track him down.  When I answered the phone on that Monday, his fear had become a reality.  He told me that paramilitaries had found his wife, entered her house and threatened to kill her face to face if she didn't tell them where Carlos was.  Luckily, they eventually left her alone without harming her but told her that they would be coming back to get information about Carlos' whereabouts and that if she didn't give them the information, they would kill her.  Over the phone, Carlos desperately explained this situation to me and asked if I could help by sending $60 dollars to the family in Buenaventura, Colombia in order to pay for his wife's bus fare since the family had no money to send her to Ecuador.  Despite the fact that as a project, we are many times weary about these kinds of transactions because in the past money has been used for something other than it's intended purpose, the urgency of this situation merited attention.  And despite the fact that "I'm supposed to respect my day off", that thought was put on the back burner as I thought about what could happen if I didn't take action.  Believe me, it was a difficult position to be in.  I asked Carlos for his wife's cell phone number in Colombia in order to call her and verify the situation and what exactly was happening.  I called her right away using skype and spoke with her about the situation.  As Carlos had already told me, it was in fact a very urgent situation.  I decided that if I was going to help, it shouldn't wait another day and I left my house to go to the nearest Money Gram office after telling Carlos that I would send the money to Colombia as long as his wife held onto the bus ticket receipt and took it personally to the church when she arrived to Ecuador as a method for accountability.  I sent the $60 to Carlos' wife in Colombia and a few days later she arrived to our church with the bus ticket receipt.....

This situation left me reflecting about whether it's more important for me to respect my day off and not answer my phone or give priority to the need of the person on the other line.  It's a difficult balance--especially since these urgent needs don't present themselves everyday and I want to avoid the "savior" type mentality and image that can be detrimental for myself and those that I work with.  Many times I ask myself, how could the economic situation of Carlos' family have been transformed so that Carlos wouldn't have needed to depend on an outside organization to solve this urgent problem?  Many refugees, including Carlos and his wife, have been victims to circumstances beyond their control.  But given refugees current situations, how can they be empowered to rebuild their lives in order to live without the debilitating dependency on outside aid?

The other topic that's been stirring in my brain is the challenge that I've had to face in working with some refugees who are very needy, but also dishonest, manipulative, and demanding.  It's difficult to express this and by no means do I want to generalize or criticize the refugee population as a whole as often happens in Ecuadorian society, but with a select few cases, I've really been challenged with situations that have not been enjoyable.  I won't go into a lot of detail right now, but I continue to struggle to know how to respond to need despite a lack of transparency, honesty and respect.  How can we continue to walk alongside these people and work together for transformation despite these difficult circumstances?

I continue to be thankful for the opportunity that I have to explore the complexities of these issues not just in theory but in practice as well.  Without a doubt, I'm being stretched and expanded by many new experiences.  I continue to enjoy life in Quito and the adventures that unfold both in my work and play.

I'll leave it there....if you've made it this far, thanks for reading!

Visiting a refugee family that lived in Quito but was resettled to the US

Youth retreat in November

Speaking at Community Mennonite Church's youth snow camp

Meeting my new nephew Brennan!

Much needed and enjoyed time with family

Sledding in Ohio...not the most exciting hills, but after being away from 

winter for so long, anything goes.

Visiting my Grandma Salome Holsinger in Kansas

Traveling through Colombia with Benito Miller

The work group from Colombia/US

Inauguration ceremony at the Arajuno church which

the previous 3 work groups helped to build

My first 24 hours back in Quito

During the next year and a half, I might tire you out with stories.  An abundance of stories is what I have been given, they are what have made my experience unique.  These stories continue to change my life and therefore I feel that they must be told.....

After a wonderful 12 day visit to the states spent with family, friends and celebrating the marriage of Derek Swartz and Chelsea Reiff, I am now back in Quito.  I arrived on Monday evening and Tuesday it was back to work as usual.  As is normal and as I explained in my previous blog post, there were people waiting for me at the church front door when I arrived on my bike before 9am.  As is customary, I spent 5 hours that morning talking to people and doing my best to help them in their difficult situations.  However there were two encounters that I wasn't expecting to have that morning....

The fifth man that I interviewed came into my office like everyone else.  He began to explain his situation and we talked for about 10 minutes before I asked him the question, "what kind of work did you do in Colombia?".  He opened his jacket and showed me the t-shirt that he was wearing that had a picture of a clown on it and the title Ecopayaseando por la tierra (Eco-clowning around the world).  "I was a clown," he said.  My heart skipped a beat.  I recognized that clown in the picture and I recognized that title.  "I met you in Colombia," I said.  "You were at a meeting that I attended while I was on a Witness for Peace delegation.  Our group was wearing blue t-shirts and I talked with you and you gave me a free DVD of your clown show.  Do you remember me?" I asked excitedly.  "Of course!" he responded as he fell to his knees giving thanks that he had run into someone familiar.  The tone of our conversation changed after that.  We were both taken back by feelings of joy caused by the unexpected coincidence.  I had met him just one year earlier in August during the Witness for Peace trip at a community organizing meeting to help displaced people.  Since then his work with the displaced population and the local police force had gotten him into trouble.  After a car bomb went off at the police station in his hometown earlier this year and he was threatened, he was forced to leave Colombia and came to Ecuador.  Now living in a homeless shelter, he is trying to make a new life in Ecuador and we will be accompanying him.  It was an amazing coincidence.  The world seems to shrink with these experiences and the community of solidarity seems to grow, and I'm thankful for these stories.


As the clock approached 1 o'clock another man arrived to the church.  Since we still had more people waiting and all 8 interview slots had been filled, the secretary told him that he would have to return the next day because we wouldn't have time to speak with him.  Nevertheless, the man refused to leave the church.  After I finished interviewing all 8 families, I went down to the waiting area to see this man who had refused to leave.  It was a familiar face.  The man, Pablo, had come to our church 2 times before.  The first time that I met him over a year ago, he explained to me that he was suffering from testicular cancer.  His bald head from his chemo-therapies and his medical papers were proof of his sickness.  On that day (June 14 to be exact according to my journal from last year) I invited Pablo out to lunch and helped him with a bus ticket to the town where he was living about 6 hours from Quito.  Every 21 days he had to make the 6 hour bus trip from the town where he was living to Quito in order to receive free chemo treatments at a local hospital.  After that day in June when we ate lunch together, a whole year passed and we saw nothing of Pablo.  Then, about a month ago, he showed up at our church again.  His cancer had advanced.  He no longer could speak fluidly, nor could he walk without the help of a cane and even then he moved very slowly.  He had lost lots of weight and he now relied on a tube to go to the bathroom.  On that day about a month ago, I helped him again with his bus fare.  Two days ago Pablo showed up for the third (and likely the last) time at our church and refused to leave.  With tears running down his cheeks and in his stuttered speech, he delivered to me the news that the doctors had given him earlier that day: "he had only 2 weeks left to live".  His cancer had advanced to his stomach and he could no longer eat.  The 43 year-old Pablo, who appeared to be in his 60's, wept as he told me that he wasn't ready to die.  Pablo had been tortured by the FARC years earlier and had later developed testicular cancer.  He arrived to Ecuador 10 years ago and since then hasn't seen his relatives.  Although he had only been to our church 3 times, he sobbed as he expressed words of gratitude to me for having helped him and for having treated him with respect and dignity.  I cried with him.  He had come to say good-bye.  He had come to grant one last request for us to help him travel to Colombia to be with his relatives during his last days.  He had come so that we would pray for him.  With Cesar and Patricia, the pastors of Quito Mennonite and Alba, the church secretary, we anointed him with oil, laid our hands on him and prayed for Pablo.  It was a powerful moment.  After the prayer Pablo felt more at ease and we were even able to share a few smiles and laughs when Cesar and Patricia realized that they had some common friends with Pablo in Colombia.  I helped Pablo down the stairs and out to the front door.  We said good-bye one last time, hugged each other, and I helped him with one last bus fare: this time to Colombia.  I watched through the door as Pablo, with the help of his cane, slowly walked down the street and out of sight.


These are the stories that are changing my life.

A typical Tuesday morning....

As I arrive to the church on my bike at 9 a.m., there are already 2 Colombian refugee families waiting at the door to talk with me.  After welcoming them inside I head up to my office with one of the families while the other waits their turn downstairs in our makeshift waiting room in the sanctuary.  As I talk with the first family, I jot down notes about their situation: “family of 12, arrived to Ecuador 2 months ago, have been staying in a shelter since they arrived, came only with a few pairs of clothes, their son was assassinated in Colombia, all are unemployed, have been denied the refugee visa”.  The second interview follows and the scribble down these notes: “elderly couple, unemployed, live alone, behind on rent payments, sleep on bare wooden floor, were farmers in Colombia, had farm taken away by guerrillas, suffering from hunger”.  A third man arrives and shares his story: “man whose wife and 3 year old kid are still in Colombia, former cocaine trafficker since age 13, actively being persecuted in Quito for deciding to leave his job as a drug trafficker, lives in constant fear, has aspirations to move to Brazil to escape persecution”. 

It’s now 10:45am and 5 more refugee families have arrived and are waiting downstairs to talk with me.  During the course of the next 3 hours, I interview the 5 families and scribble down the following notes: “single mother of 4 small children, unemployed and suffering from serious medical problems; family of 4, children suffering severe discrimination and abuse in school from both students and teachers for being Colombian; family of 3, father needs medical attention-has various bullets lodged in his body, in need of psychological help; family of 5, father worked for a month and employer refused to pay what he owed, 2 adolescent daughters have run away from home; single father of 2 daughters, unable to pay rent, suffering from malnutrition.”

At 1:45pm I finally leave my office at the church to eat lunch at a corner restaurant.  As I sit and eat my meal in silence, I reflect over the 8 intense interviews that I had during the course of the morning.  Did I give them the correct advice?  How can I help these families resolve these situations of vulnerability?  What is the root of their problems?  How can our project be more effective for these people?

There are no easy answers nor easy solutions.  All of the families I spoke with have in some way been victims of the vicious and complex war in Colombia.  Now in Ecuador, they are part of a vulnerable population that suffers from a wide variety of severe problems.

So why do these families arrive to my office almost daily seeking help without the Mennonite church ever publically announcing that we help Colombian refugee families?  The answer that I hear personally from most refugees is that the Mennonite church offers them something that they don’t find anywhere else.  We attempt to offer an integral approach in order to aid these families during the rough periods of transition and instability that they are experiencing and through word of mouth people show up.  Of the 8 families that I interviewed in the morning, some will receive food aid, others will receive a small business grant, others will have weekly appointments with our professional psychologist, others will receive a mattress to sleep on, others will be registered to receive high quality medical treatment at a local private hospital with drastically reduced rates through an agreement with our refugee project, and others will be referred to organizations that specialize in legal advice.  All will be invited to our monthly workshops, all will be invited to participate in our church community and have a support system, all will be treated with dignity as human beings in need and all will be accompanied in solidarity.

Coordinating this project, as you might imagine, is a difficult experience.  Nevertheless, it has allowed me to open my eyes to the real suffering that war, inequality, discrimination and violence cause on a daily basis.  It is allowing me to grow in wisdom, compassion and solidarity.  But more importantly the humble effort of our project is allowing others to voice their suffering, recuperate from trauma, confront the ugly face of injustice, have food on their table, recover from medical problems, learn values of peace and respect, and begin a new life.  It’s a joy to be involved in this process and feel that I’ve earned the trust and respect of many refugees who have given me the undeserved name of “Doctor David” (something that makes me chuckle yet feel honored).

 

I’m excited to continue in this role during the next year and a half here in Quito….which reminds me, if you haven’t heard the news yet and you’ve read this far, I’ve decided to stay one more year here in Ecuador!  This means that I’ll be here until November of 2013.  I’ll be sending out a letter soon with more details so stay tuned.  Hope everyone is well, chao!

Here are a few pictures from a few recent activities:

Mini Goshen reunion with Joe Hartman and CJ Hague

A recent hike with some of the youth group

Enjoying the Colombia vs. Ecuador World Cup
qualifier game with the Moya family

Awesome visit to the mountain "Antisana" with
an elevation of around 18,800 feet

The most recent refugee workshop this past Saturday
with an attendance of 35 adults and 15 children.

In the refugee workshop working with the topic "Overcoming Resentment Caused by the Current Situation in Ecuador"

Playing some music with Cesar and Daniel Moya for
 the Father's Day celebration at church

Hey everyone!

I haven't posted a good update about how life has been recently...and I'm afraid this update won't explain much of that either...but I did want to share with all of you a radio story that was put together by a Virginia reporter who came to Quito.  She contacted me about doing an interview about our work with refugees and the link below is part of what she put together.  There will be another story coming out soon that will talk more about the work of the Mennonite church.  The story that I am posting now is about a family that I have been working with for a number of months.  They participate in our monthly workshops, come to church occasionally and I have visited their house 3 or 4 times as part of my accompany work with them.  I hope you enjoy listening to their story.  I'll try to write a more in-depth update soon!

Click on the link below and scroll down on the page to where it says "Captured by the FARC".  Below their picture, there is a link with smaller letters that also says "Captured by the FARC".  Click on that link to listen to the radio story.

http://www.dw.de/dw/episode/0,,15835560,00.html

Some thoughts...

I think the biggest challenge to having a blog is staying creative.  Here's a brief update of what life's been like recently in a bit of a different format...

What I just ate for dinner:
I just made a killer lasagna, which was a nice taste of home and which is why this is the first question on my update.

One word that describes the last month:
Superbusy

Best thing that's happened to me recently:
On the 6th of February, I was able to accompany, serving as the translator, a very international group of 7 people representing 5 continents to a rural indigenous village about 3 hours from Quito outside of Latacunga.  The group represented "La Red Ecumenica del Agua" (The Ecumenical Water Network).  We visited a site where the indigenous community has been building a water canal to supply their villages with clean water.  We learned about the dynamics of the water canal and how the presence of large companies that export various crops has affected the well-being of the communities and their access to clean water.  It was fascinating and being the translator for the group was great.

I also bought a 2012 agenda which I'm surprisingly excited about.

Biggest challenge thus far in 2012:
Transition with the refugee project.  The current coordinator of the refugee project is transitioning out of her position as she plans to return to the US.  I'm in the process of taking over more responsibility and becoming the main coordinator of the project which is very exciting but is definitely a transition that includes an increase in workload.

What I'm most looking forward to in the near future:
Spending a week in the jungle.  Another volunteer group is coming down from the states in about a week.  I'll be their guide/translator again and we'll be spending another week in the jungle working on the same construction site where we were last year.  It was a highlight for me last year and I'm looking forward to another great trip.

I also bought a plane ticket to visit the states in July.  I'll be back from the 4th-16th to celebrate my Mom's ???th birthday (I'll let you ask her) and to be at Derek Swartz' and Chelsea Reiff's wedding.  Definitely looking forward to it.


Biggest accomplishment thus far in 2012:
Learning more or less how to get our churches website running (granted I'm using "weebly" which basically creates the page for you...but still...).  I had been trying to figure out the best way to get our website functioning and got some help from Roger Farmer (a member of a recent group from Central Plains Conference that visited Ecuador).  I'm pumped to keep updating the website.  For now, you can check it out here:
http://www.anabautistasenecuador.org/

There isnt much on the website right now...but I did just write an article for those that are interested:
http://anabautistasenecuador.weebly.com/iglesia-menonita-de-quito.html

Most fun I've had recently:
Playing indoor soccer on Wednesday evenings and riding my bike around instead of taking the bus.

Toughest decision I'm facing right now:
Whether or not to stay in Quito past my 2 year commitment.  I'm on the fence...any advice?


Best thing about the neighborhood that I live in:
Stores are close by and the sense of community with my neighbors.  Within a two block radius of my apartment I have the following options of different stores:  3 fruit/vegetable stores, bike shop, internet cafe, 5 small convenience stores, meat store, clothing store, 2 bread stores, 2 laundry mats, 3 car mechanics (I dont have a car, but they're there if i ever need them), CD/DVD shop, copy shop, shoe/clothing repair shop, lunch restaurant and to top it all off, a big community park.

My neighbors/local store owners are also a highlight.  It's nice to know people and it's nice when people know you.  


Hardest thing about living in Quito:
Bus pollution.  Especially as an avid biker, the bus pollution is terrible.  Big clouds of black smoke.

Music I've listened to most recently:
Beirut, I've been enjoying listening to the album "Riptide" on my youtube playlist.


Best new habit:
Drinking a glass of water with lemon after getting up in the morning.  In our most recent refugee workshop, I invited an Ecuadorian friend of mine who owns a natural foods store to talk to us about nutrition.  He recommended a glass of water with a fresh squeezed lemon in the morning to start the day, and since lemons cost practically nothing here, I'm giving it a try.

Also watching "Democracy Now" in the morning while I eat breakfast.

Best way to relax despite a busy schedule and hectic city life:
Lie in my hammock for at least 10 minutes and look at the mountains.

Best advice that I've read recently:

The important thing is not to think much, but to love much; and so, do that which best stirs you to love.
Saint Teresa of Avila


People say, "What is the sense of our small effort?" They cannot see that we must lay one brick at a time, take one step at a time.
Dorothy Day

A Slice of Life in Pictures and Captions

Life has been busy recently.  I've been working lots but also have had great visits from various friends from college (Brian Wyse, Mauricio Chavez, CJ Hague, Juan Camilo Moya, and Jeff Stoez) over the past few months.  I've gotten to travel some and took some time off for Christmas and New Year's vacation.  Life keeps trucking along here and my days continue to be filled with work with refugees, youth, music, and farming.  There continue to be many challenges and unexpected situations in my daily work, but also much joy and learning.  Anyhow, I dont want to be too vague and general...but I figured some pictures and captions might be nice for a change.  Hope everyone had a great Christmas and a good start to 2012!

Some delicious lettuce grown in our greenhouse.  We had a great harvest with carrots, onions, lettuce, beets, cabbage, and radishes.  I sold some vegetables at our church and we included fresh vegetables in our food assistance program for the refugees.  We are now selling lots of eggs from the farm which has proven to be a good source of income.

My new apartment where I've been living since October 12th.  It's a comfortable place with a great view and is just 5 blocks from the church.

Having fun with college friend Brian Wyse and his friend Steve

The Christmas spirit

The first refugee family who benefited from a new program that I came up with.  Instead of receiving food assistance, families can choose to receive a $75 dollar investment in a small business project, which allows them to start up a small, no-loan project that has no affect on our annual budget.  This family decided to sell "candy bags" for Christmas, a popular tradition in Ecuador.  Since this photo in early December, two other families have also participated in this project.

Christmas Eve with the Moyas

A few fireworks at midnight on Xmas eve

Post Christmas hike up Pichincha--the volcan situated behind the mountain overlooking Quito--with college friends CJ Hague, Jeff Stoez and 2 friends from Quito.  We reached the summit that afternoon at an altitude of 15,406 ft.

The best new addition to my apartment

A great nap

"Año viejos" The tradition in Ecuador for New Years is to make "Old Year" dolls in the form of famous people/characters from TV, fill them with fireworks and burn them at midnight.

With Jeff Stoez and Juan Camilo Moya on the 31st

Welcome 2012!

2 thumbs up for 2012

Displacement is More Than a Word

As you may have noticed, it's difficult for me to blog about many of my experiences here.  The thing that has come most naturally for me is to write articles about isolated experiences which give you guys a bit of idea of the situations that I am dealing with.  Even still it's most definitely inadequate.

The following "poem" is something I wrote a while back after helping a refugee family move their belongings out of their apartment and into our project's "refugee safe house" after they had several frightening experiences which caused lots of anxiety and fear.  Here in Quito as he was waiting in line to receive humanitarian aid, the husband of the family spotted the same person from the Aguilas Negras (paramilitary group) who had threatened to kill him in Colombia.  Additionally, the mother of the husband, who is still currently living in Colombia, called the family in Ecuador saying that 2 anonymous men had knocked on her door and had asked, using the husbands full name, when he would be coming back from Quito (when the family left Colombia suddenly a few months ago, they only told 2 trustworthy family members that they were going to Quito).  Apart from this, they found out that in the neighborhood where they were living among other Colombians, there were several former members of paramilitary groups (this is one of the reasons that many Colombians are afraid to interact with each other here...you never quite know who you are dealing with).  It is also a difficulty for the government and for us as a aid project.

Anyhow, I dont know how much this piece will mean to you guys, but as I wrote this, each phrase came with a face, a name and a story.  Everything I have written is based on my observations, experiences and accompaniment to the displaced/refugee population here in Ecuador, but this poem is certainly not nor intends to be an exhaustive list of what is means to be a Colombian refugee in Ecuador.  As I wrote and reflected on people's experiences, I realized how the act of being displaced affects absolutely every aspect of one's life...I think that is what this poem reflects.

Displacement is More Than a Word


Displacement is more than a word.
it's a pickup truck full of belongings,
it's sleepless nights,
it's not leaving your house because of fear,
it's separation from family members,
it's tears shed and having no one to dry them,
it's being along,
it's a loss of one's identity,
it's not having food on your table,
it's desperation,
it's living in hiding,
it's dehumanizing,
it's begging for help,
it's uprooting roots,
it's instability,
it's changing jobs every month,
it's not trusting anyone, yet relying on strangers,
it's depression,
it's starting over and starting over again....and again,
it's searching for community,
it's hell,
it's always looking over your back,
it's the opposite of peace,
it's being afraid of even those you most love,
it's pain,
it's overwhelming,
it's feeling guilty about a situation you couldn't control,
it's the end to one life and the beginning of another,
it's feeling death on your doorstep,
it's lonely bus rides,
it's crossing foreign borders,
it's counting pennies,
it's long lines in immigration offices,
it's being "denied",
it's wondering what the meaning of "future" is,
it's doing anything to survive,
it's visits to the psychologist,
it's permanent,
it's a bad dream that you never wake up from,
it's learning to be uncomfortable,
it's sleeping on cold, hard floors,
it's working and not getting paid,
it's sharing space with others,
it's an invasion of your privacy,
it's losing loved ones,
it's haunting memories,
it's injustice,
it's being humiliated,
it's perseverance,
it's a complete lack of hope,
it's getting kicked out by your landlord,
it's losing everything,
it's saying good-bye,
it's changing your appearance,
it's paranoia,
it's feeling helpless,
Displacement is more than a word, it's a way of life for 5 million people in Colombia, hundreds of thousands seeking refuge in Ecuador and millions more around the world...


To contrast that poem a bit, here are a few beautiful photos that I took today from my window.